How can I change, I'm to caught up in my mess, no one will want me, no one will ever give me a second chance. It's been sixteen long years of my life that all I've been doing is selling, dealing, and using, marijuana and any other drug I can get a hold of. On the streets I'm known as "Dr. M.J. The Giver of All." It's been days after the last crime scene last month that I've been seen hanging with the same old group. I guess you can say I've been up to bigger and better things lately.

One day I can remember me sitting up in my room meditating on the words of my mom before she past away, saying "Honey you be good now, and don't let anyone tear you away from the Lord. Just remember all the teachings I've taught you". I haven't found myself in a church since then, I guess you can say that since she is gone I've just been laid back and depending on my friends and my reliant, marijuana.

As far as I can remember, their use to be an old lady about the age of 45 that use to come to the house to pick up my mom and I for Sunday school and morning worship every Sundays. Until then, every day when I saw her coming up the stairs to ring the doorbell, I would either turn off all the lights and go hide, or give her every excuse under the sun not to bring me to church. Ever since then she hasn't been coming anymore. Man did she use to bother me! Sitting next to her made sleeping worth wild. She use to always tap me on the shoulder with her scrawny pointer finger and ask me "do you understand what the preacher is saying?" I would just shake my head and nod, even if I were half asleep.

One day while sleeping, I had a vision, or you can say nightmare. I dreamed that I was being pulled to church by a heavenly man figure. He was dressed in all white and had a crown on his head. All he did was look at me and said "I know all about you, I know what you do and all you say, I know your past, present, and future. I know every time you try to run, hide, and shied yourself from every twist and turns. Honey I know you! It's not time to run anymore but to face everything that you have done, come to me and all your problems will be erased for ever. Don't turn your back on me".

When I awoke in a puddle of sweat, all I could do is try to shake every thought from my mind. There was no place or no one for me to run to. All my friends would just look at me strange and ask, "what are you talking about". It was just too much to explain to them and I knew they wouldn't get it, so the only person I had to turn to was that same old lady.

When I got to her house, no questions was asked about why I never opened the door to her, or why I made up all those excuses, all she did was open her arms to me. She invited me in and we talked about my dream. She said that the Lord was trying to tell me something and try to bring me closer to him. This time instead of closing my eyes trying to give her a clue that she was boring me out, I actually sat there grasping, and hanging on to her every word. When she was gone, I told her that I was going to go to church and that. Before I could finish she said "honey, don't tell me, show me", and she gave me a kiss and I was on my way.

That Sunday I was at church sitting in that same row as before, right next to the old lady listening to the preacher. What the preacher was saying was all for me. He was saying "how can a man stay in all his sins, try and run, and think that he can smile so no one knows what's going on? What you need to do is confess your sins, even though God already knows, he want's to hear it from you." That main part from the sermon was all I needed that night. After church I gave the old lady a big hug and said thanks for all you've done, you really made a difference in my life. She smiled and said "maybe that was the other part to your dream, God's part, he is smiling down at you right now".

When I got home I decided not to hang around with my friends but just to visit them one last time. I ended up telling my them about God and that there are better things in life that you should get hooked in instead of marijuana, crack, and cocaine. Drugs are what you think need to crave your inner self, but when it wears down you need to get some more. Taste and see that God is good and you'll never thirst or hunger in your life again. I just walked away leaving that on their minds.

My life has made a turn for the better since I've decided to serve the Lord and to get my life back on track".