It is called silent dance. There is no music, only the rhythm of my breath. My body and my soul are one energy drifting deeper into motions. My legs and fingertips pull in opposite directions from the center, and awaken sleeping muscles. A whispering breeze blows into my room on an early Sunday morning and kisses my face.
I distance myself by four squares, taking a bow as an exalted warrior. I lower my head in prayer to thank the peaceful conductor of this silent drama. The clouds hid the sun from the world making the day wet and gray. I hid my face within my shirt afraid to let my parents see me. Not in fellowship with others as I needed to be, but here, in my room, I sat.
A sudden feeling of happiness overflowed from my heart causing me to smile and unhide my face. Tears rolled down my face, not because I was upset, lost, or in pain, but because, for the first time, I really felt the love that is truly beyond measure. I continued to sit there, alone, in silence, next to my bed, thanking my Heavenly Father for my very life.
It was then, that I felt the sudden release of so much hurt, so many painful thoughts, from my inner self. There have been attempts of comfort and futuristic strategies, but the knife kept twisting deeper into my center. I felt trapped within my own skin. I had never known something that was to protect me from the outside, could hurt so much on the inside.
A close friend said she knew of a way to be set free of the terror, but I had to ask for the freedom and mean it with all my heart. Until now, I only pretended to understand. Until now, I still had that terror. I think back and see how my perspectives changed as I changed my perspectives.
The fire for God, getting closer to its peak of strength engulfs the circumference of my soul. The power of the Holy flame caused the rain of sin to dry up and blow away like dust in the wind, leaving behind a colorful moment in time. I see light and dark, touch the earth, smell the air, hear the laughter, but I feel everything. I speak with friends in joy and in confidence but sit still and quiet at home. I don't know which parts are harder, and which parts make me stronger.
Sometimes my heart is in what I do, and sometimes my silence overrides what is in my heart, but to Him, I will, I must, stay devoted. At times I have found myself thinking about giving up to break the silence.
But now in Christ I have found the strength and the courage. I have found the love that no words can express. I have found where I belong. I have found the truth.